[EDIT]
Ok I half-way changed my mind about the journal and decided to dual-wield it by putting the original in first comment here, then you can choose if you wanna read all the meaty shit or just notice that I'm fucking back
BECAUSE MY FIERY CORNER OF DEVIANTART DOESN'T SUIT HAVING BIG, PERSONAL SHIT SPLATTERED ALL OVER THE FRONT PAGE!!
I'd rather splatter it somewhere it doesn't look horrible!
[EDIT]



GODDAMMIT! WHY DON'T I HAVE A THEME SONG!?!?! I REALLY NEED IT FOR MY FLASHY RETURN RIGHT NOW!!!!!1
Oh well, I'll complain about that later. FIRST I'LL GIVE ALL OF YOU IMPATIENT ASSHOLES AND BITCHY BITCHES A QUICK QUICK RECAP OF THE WHOLE TOUR!

Where to start!? Well, how 'bout I just fucking start instead of asking rhetorical questions!?!?!

The first day I spent 85% of my daily attention span moping in awe at the size and beauty of the Beijing International Airport, which by the way re-opened the day before we arrived.
I'm sure you could stuff half of Norway's population in there.
I MEAN, THEY HAD FUCKEN TRAINS GOING FROM THE TERMINAL TO THE BAGGAGE CLAIM!! WOOHOO! TRAINS!!!

...
Ok, I'm bored of writing journal now, I really should see the doctors, I still have a tuna (TUN!) of impressions to digest and chew..

But really, the whole tour was really a tourist attraction overseen by the government.
We got the whole trip a lot cheaper because we had plenty of obligatory stops on the trip.
The Jade, Silk, Ceramic and Pearl Factory as far as I can remember.
And we visited 3 world heritage sites, First The Forbidden City (where they had a 4 star forbidden toilet, which was pure &¤"&¤#, the toilet in my room is a 7 star in comparison to that one)
Then the Great Wall of Sellers and Tourists, I was really frustrated by that part of the trip, we had like ONE HOUR on the wall until we had to be back in the bus, SHITFUCKS!!
WE SHOULDA HAD LIKE HALF A DAY, and then we coulda walked from one stop to the other. Because when we arrived at the place to start our trip there you could see the wall covered in tourists as far as the eye could see. I only got to run 30 minutes in one direction (the steepest one) and then I had to slide down back again on the handrail, and some jap chick thought I was clever and I did the world's most horrible bargaining there, but before I tell you about that I'm gonna finish this horribly long and inuselessly context missing sentence with a period.

And the last site was the Terracootta dudes, it rawked.

The silk Market was the most ridiculous part of the whole trip. It was a jaw-drop of a lulz from start to end.
here, a journal-quality shit-pic about how it felt at times:

<img src="http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o287/AngryManiac/SilkMarketFullbody.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket">


I mean [SERIOUSLY!!!] From the moment I got in to the moment I managed to claw my way outta that madhouse Everyone wanted to be my best friend! They were practically dragging you into their little shacks of shit where you could by 4 jackets for the price of 2700 yuan, or 350 if you bargained a decent amount. WTF MATE!?!?!
Seriously, it was the tightest and noisiest place on the whole trip, And they were all trying to work their charms on you, all the cute little girls I mean, 'cause there where maybe like 3 male sellers per 100 female! I mean, I've never been so handsome before!
"Hey, handsome boy!", "Handsome boy!", "Handsome boy!" No matter where I turned.
And if I didn't want to boy one or fourteen shirts for 100 yuan for myself I HAD to buy it for my friends and family and the other friends and all my girlfriends not to mention the old man in the dumpster. Didn't matter what sections I visited, they'd all try and sell me plastic pearls or toys no matter how uninterested I looked in their stuff..
One guy in my class, not far from 2m in height, blonde and blue eyes, had four girls dragging on him at one time, it looked hilarious.
No really, they all, the girls that worked there, must be completely fucking nuts, that's the only possible explanation for how they could survive having a job like that!
Or maybe they didn't, and that's the reason there were only a few 40 year old bitches working there..

Oh, I remember the second time I was there I had a good hair day (in other words my hair was acting fucking angry!! ) And boy did I get some compliments, ofcourse they all went "Fashon stile!" or just pointing at my hair and saying "nice!" or "cool!" but I do remember one compliment especially.
This girl started by saying "You hair is vewy.." and then I turned around to see what she would finish with
"vewy... vewy... vewy... vewy..." then the girl beside her goes "ugly"
then first one lightens up and goes "Yea, ugly!" I almost rofl'd or kicked their ovaries, how the fuck am I supposed to feel about that!?!?
Then later when I walked by their stands all the girsl around started arguing about how ugly my hair was..


Well anyway, we spent 4 days in Xi'an, mainly to visit the Jade Factory and the Terracotta Boy Scouts, but we had a bicycle trip around the ancient city walls, which was mighty fun, and a nice way to get your buns raped for only 20 yuan and an hour of hard biking.

Ok, A LITTLE BOLDED LIST OF RANDOM THINGS:

I saw a building called "Twin Towers" in Beijing
I got some really weird cold Oolong tea with my first meal in China, I never decided on whether I liked it or not, but it DID taste brown
I saw a pregnant cat in the Muslim temple area of Xi'an, it was pregnant.
I got a tailor made authentic silk suit, black with dragon pattern for 1500 yuan.
I bought pink silk from the same tailor for 1000 yuan, to make some girl at school a pink, silk Burqa. And my economic and rational brainparts just went "omg T_T What are happening!!?"
There was an old man sleeping in his Rickshaw (two-seat bicycle-taxy thingie)
Heard a symphony of drunk, old walruses, oh wait, that was the break on the Rickshaw I rode.
LOST MY FUCKING VISA-CARD!! AAARRGHH!!!
Ate 2 kinds of scorpions, 1 fried silk worm, 1 grasshopper and some spicy snake, it was all good and yummy, scorpeens real crunchy!!
Got a mighty good foot-massage.
I ate once at McDonalds... AMAGAD!!! IT'S THE END OF THE WOOORLD!!! WHAT HAS I DONE!!!
Bought some souvenirs for my half-siblings.
Didn't get a minute of sleep on the 10 hour flight back
Saw a Kung Fu show where there were people and men doing stuff...

When I get a house I'm gonna build a Great Wall around it, and fill it with terracotta soldiers 20 cm tall.

Oh, also spent 2 hours at the Airport in Munich, and let me tell you Germany sucks! It was incredibly boring there!They had a passport check right after we got off the plane which was kinda funny, they used like 10 secs to see through my passport, but our Columbia imported Dark Chocolate Latino had to stand there for 3 minutes and tell them that he had grown up in Norway since birth and that he was NOT smuggling any heroin or other sorts of drugs.

Bleh, I probably wouldn't bother reading through a journal this fucking long!
WHEN THE HELL ALL YOU PEOPLE GET TIME FOR TO READ THROUGH THESE ALL!?!?!

Other than than Beijing was surprisingly clean and green, preparations for the Olympic Gaymes obviously, there were armies of street cleaners no matter where you were.

I have taken like 12 pix, TOO BAD I DIDN'T GIT AROUN' TO SEE YOU ALL WHINING ABOUT ME HAVING TO TAKE GIGS OF PIX!! Plenty of other people have taken pix of me though, I'll see what I feel like uploading.
I really wish deviantart had a social section, where you could upload random pictures of where you've been and just pictures of yourself and other inumportant things you don't upload for it being art..

I'LL ALSO SEE WHAT I CAN GET FROM THE OTHER PEOPLE!!1 Most people Have taken more pictures of me than I have taken pictures alltogether..

The dark side of the trip, except for the COMPLETE and PERFECT lack of real adventure, not a fancy pansy tourist trip of planning and shite, was my growing contempt for the rest of the 80 people in our travel group, being in China, travelling constantly with them and sharing room with a few of them made me realize how rude they all were.
Noisy, bitchy, arrogant and stupid, more and more every day. It really destroyed the trip for me. China was a good country to visit for the material goods if you wanted a safe tourist trip, it was not so enjoyable the stiff way we experienced it (at least not for me)
Ofcourse not all people were complete retards the whole trip
But I tend to let the bad things cloud the good, IN ORDER TO STAY ANGRY AND CONSCIOUS ABOUT TROUBLIES AND PROBLEMS!!!

But I'll stop now before I die and do something constructive.
IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK WHERE I CAN FUCKING WORK!!
STUFF COMING SOON!!!1 YYYRRRRAAAAAAAAGAGHHGHHH!!!!! %¤/8 (/%¤" ¤#"%#¤7 /&%##"%#"!!!!1

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RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!

And I'm hiding my own, as of, NOW!

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RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!

Is BBQ the angriest food?

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Stacy: Liker of Cats

IT SOUNDS LIKE IT WAS FUN I WISH I COULD HAVE GONE!

I want to vacation out of the fucking country, but the most I'll get is three days alone in Baltimore for Otakon.

--
The diagnosis of homosexuality as a "disorder" is a contributing factor to the pathology of those homosexuals who do become mentally ill.... Nothing is more likely to make you sick than being constantly told that you are sick. ~Ronald Gold

FIHP: 0

Welcome back, friend.

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... On the Great space coaster!

I missed you the most. Don't listen to the others.

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Most of you will never learn, Maybe even watch everything you love burn, So learn from John Lennon, And don't be such a wussy, And give it all away For that Yoko Ono pussy

GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK AFTER YOU EXPELLED YOUR RAGE ON ASIA!!!!!!!

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_{*watercolorists . *Word-worth-1000-pics . *Country-Club . *the-artists-cubby}